Namaste

 I wrote this poem back in June and looking back on it now, realise how much of my journey this year is captured in it.  This year has been a process of self-recognition.

Namaste

 

I see you.

        Full of spirit,

                puzzled, dismayed

                        by religion

                making you wrong

        for being you.

 

I see you.

        Shocked yet curious,

                images and words

                        in those magazines

                                making you feel dirty

                        so seeking

                a common denominator

        in lieu of confession.

 

I see you.

        Devastated by first love.

                Alone in the world

                        yet glimpsing beside you

                your father, holding,

        a possibility of forgiveness

and worth.

 

I see you.

        Numb, disbelieving

                that thread of possibility

                        gone with his death.

Your worth drowning.

                        A spirited hurl

                of the baby

        out with the bathwater.

 

I see you

        seeking love

                pure and simple,

                        being caught

                                in the snowball

                                        that gathers momentum

then crashes in a heap

 

like your marriage.

 

I see you.

 

BY JEANETTE JONES

Relationship Building 101

I strongly believe that world peace starts with me/us individually - "let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me"

Let There Be Peace on Earth

... and for me, that means the relationships going on inside myself.  Internal Family Systems along with any 'parts' theory in the psychology world helps us to consider how we are at war with ourselves.  

This last weekend, for example, I have noticed: 

• the part of me that wants approval from other battling with the part of me that wants to do things my way; 
• the part of me that has dependents needs battling with the part of me that values independence; 
• the part of me that knows those chips aren't good for me battling with the part of me that just wants the satisfying saltiness and crunch; 
• the part of me that knows I 'should' be working on my business and the part of me that just wants a relaxing weekend responsible for nothing.  

Exploring how our parts interact with themselves and 'other', in relationship, is a current fascination.

The table below (I call it Relationship Building 101) contains some thoughts on what capacities are required, first at an internal level, between parts of ourselves and hopefully once we have practised that for a while, we can move on to practising with those we love.  

BY JEANETTE JONES

Accepting Differences, Honouring Oneself, Embracing Commonalities

Accepting Differences ~~ Honouring Oneself ~~ Embracing Commonalities

How to be in relationships?  We are surrounded by relationships in our lives, whether we are at work, at play or at home.  We may have been challenged over the last few months as we have attempted to perhaps spend more time than usual with our loved ones, or spend time with others in a very different context.  Even when we are seemingly alone, our relationship with ourselves is always present.

Having completely changed my living situation recently, I have loved (and been challenged by) discovering and accepting differences between myself and those I live with.  It has been a discovery process that is held in a context of our united desire to remain respectful and accepting of our differences.  A helpful tool has been looking at our personalities through the lens of the Persona Grata work, where our personality is characterized by a unique blend of six or seven birds or animals representing archetypes.  By using this tool we have been able to look slightly more objectively at our personal preferences and tendencies.  The objectivity seems to allow us to notice, talk about and accept our differences more readily and enable us not to fall into defensiveness.

However, when we begin to differentiate from others by noticing our differences, it can be easy to focus too much on those differences to the extent that we feel separate from each other in an isolating way.  We are wired to seek to ‘belong’ and our tendency is to find others who are ‘like us’ in order to attain that sense of belonging.  This then can lead to exclusion of others when we prize what makes us (who we have defined ourselves as individually or as a group) tick above what makes others tick.  So how do we honour who we are and also honour others? 

This is where the Persona Grata work, or any other way of looking at ourselves as made up of parts (subpersonality model in psychosynthesis, Internal Family Systems model) is really useful.  When we can accept ourselves as a blend of different parts with various priorities, strengths and weaknesses, and really get to know these parts, we become enabled to step forward in our awareness and activate our personal will to at least listen to all parts of ourselves and make our decisions from a place of objectivity that is aligned with our purpose, meaning and values (like a parent guiding a family or a conductor leading an orchestra).

In turn, once we can do that for ourselves (for the most part, nobody is perfect!), it becomes more possible to view our community, our country, humanity or all life on this planet as being composed of different parts with various priorities, strengths and weaknesses, to listen to those parts with an open mind and hopefully to find ways to honour those differences from a perspective of ‘the whole’ rather than the part.  Questions I have found helpful are:

What is this part trying to express? 

What does this part need?

What do these parts have in common?

What can we hold as a common, overall purpose, meaning and value?

Whatever issue you are dealing with at the moment, start with listening to every part of you and see how far your love and compassion can extend!

BY JEANETTE JONES