I used to think I could only write poetry when emotional or inspired and couldn't bring myself to do much editing to words thus brought to the page. My thoughts were adjusted on both counts during the retreat. Reading poetry inspired and educated me and studying different techniques opened up new possibilities.
First impressions of paintings either leave me feeling moved or moving on to the next piece. If I'm moved, I linger, look deeper, desiring to answer the hovering question - why? For painter and poet, technical details of memorable pieces can be noted for future practice and practice of a variety of techniques can lead to freedom of creativity.
Wednesday 21 August 2019
Seeking Solace (written in 2013)
feel the skin warmth
shrinking from the coming
bite
smell the flower breath
sighing from the day's
exertions
stop all that there is
and watch
this sky-fire
reaching higher
into brooding heavens
the edges of which are
gilt
laced with flame
hiding the depth of
darkness to come
the body of cloud
laden with
tears
to be released when
the source seeks solace
beyond this piece of earth
and the beauty is
spent
BY JEANETTE JONES
Presence and Perspective
Wow. Last time I blogged here was 2013. So much has happened. I am now a qualified psychosynthesis counsellor in the process of establishing a private practice in Tauranga, New Zealand. My husband and I have two daughters in their teens.
So I am planning to re-establish this blog as a way of recording some of my thoughts about life.
Yesterday, I forced myself to sit down and stop while I ate my lunch. On our deck, the occasional train rumbles by below, a gorgeous view of estuary and mountains lies before me and from the reserve next door, numerous distinct bird-songs float past me. As I feel the breeze on my face I try to persuade myself that the long grassy jungle that is our back lawn is in the state it is because of environmental reasons. Good for the bees, less fuel burned by the lawnmower, the skinks love it and it is so much more natural than a carefully manicured one! Depends on the perspective I choose to take. Alternatively, I could allow myself to get really identified with my feeling of annoyance and self-blame (that the lawn hasn't been mown), or if that's too uncomfortable for me, I could project that blame onto any member of my family. Truth is, it is in the state it is in because... it just is. Life is happening and the state of the lawn has passed us by over winter.
I notice a young part of me remembering (or is it memories of my children's early years?) what it was like to be so engrossed in the moment, so present, that watching a butterfly flutter past felt like it took an eternity; remembering when a whole school year was like a lifetime. In some ways, I guess now (at a stage of life when there often seems to be not enough time in the day to do what needs to be done) I idealise the capacity for such focus, presence and carefree time. For children such a state is natural but as we grow that space can become crowded - if we let it. Is this a necessary evil of growing older?
I finish my lunch and choose to stay a while longer. It wasn't so long ago that I had toddlers and was sitting on this same deck with a good friend, desperate for a hand-hold out of the mire of depression I had sunk myself into. When I wasn't gulping wine to quell the unease, I was present to a whole lot of discomfort. Being present in this sense involved identification with my state of being. I was certainly engrossed in what I was feeling to the exclusion of all else, similar to the child state. However, I was suffering because of it.
My thoughts move to my mother who is nearly 82 years of age, lives an hour's drive away and who I had spoken to that morning. She doesn't come to visit as often as she used to, getting less comfortable with the difficulties of driving further than just around town. It strikes me that she seems to accept these limitations of her age and stage with a grace and acceptance that I can only hope to share at her age. Taking her as an example, it seems that it is possible to add more perspective to our quality of presence as we age, with a sense of the old adage "This too, shall pass". Then again we have all heard of, if not experienced, people who are either over-focussed on the past ("oh, that story again!") or continually worried about the future - non-present perspective-taking run amok..
These were the thoughts that wandered through my consciousness as I sat on the deck eating my lunch. Initially my thoughts had aligned presence with youth and perspective with aging. While it is certainly true that the ease of presence is greater when young and that we get more of a sense of perspective on life as we age, my ponderings led me to consider the developmental process from identification to objectivity. Perhaps what I strive for myself, at the moment anyway, is objective presence balanced with equanimous perspective...
by Jeanette Jones
So I am planning to re-establish this blog as a way of recording some of my thoughts about life.
Yesterday, I forced myself to sit down and stop while I ate my lunch. On our deck, the occasional train rumbles by below, a gorgeous view of estuary and mountains lies before me and from the reserve next door, numerous distinct bird-songs float past me. As I feel the breeze on my face I try to persuade myself that the long grassy jungle that is our back lawn is in the state it is because of environmental reasons. Good for the bees, less fuel burned by the lawnmower, the skinks love it and it is so much more natural than a carefully manicured one! Depends on the perspective I choose to take. Alternatively, I could allow myself to get really identified with my feeling of annoyance and self-blame (that the lawn hasn't been mown), or if that's too uncomfortable for me, I could project that blame onto any member of my family. Truth is, it is in the state it is in because... it just is. Life is happening and the state of the lawn has passed us by over winter.
I notice a young part of me remembering (or is it memories of my children's early years?) what it was like to be so engrossed in the moment, so present, that watching a butterfly flutter past felt like it took an eternity; remembering when a whole school year was like a lifetime. In some ways, I guess now (at a stage of life when there often seems to be not enough time in the day to do what needs to be done) I idealise the capacity for such focus, presence and carefree time. For children such a state is natural but as we grow that space can become crowded - if we let it. Is this a necessary evil of growing older?
I finish my lunch and choose to stay a while longer. It wasn't so long ago that I had toddlers and was sitting on this same deck with a good friend, desperate for a hand-hold out of the mire of depression I had sunk myself into. When I wasn't gulping wine to quell the unease, I was present to a whole lot of discomfort. Being present in this sense involved identification with my state of being. I was certainly engrossed in what I was feeling to the exclusion of all else, similar to the child state. However, I was suffering because of it.
My thoughts move to my mother who is nearly 82 years of age, lives an hour's drive away and who I had spoken to that morning. She doesn't come to visit as often as she used to, getting less comfortable with the difficulties of driving further than just around town. It strikes me that she seems to accept these limitations of her age and stage with a grace and acceptance that I can only hope to share at her age. Taking her as an example, it seems that it is possible to add more perspective to our quality of presence as we age, with a sense of the old adage "This too, shall pass". Then again we have all heard of, if not experienced, people who are either over-focussed on the past ("oh, that story again!") or continually worried about the future - non-present perspective-taking run amok..
These were the thoughts that wandered through my consciousness as I sat on the deck eating my lunch. Initially my thoughts had aligned presence with youth and perspective with aging. While it is certainly true that the ease of presence is greater when young and that we get more of a sense of perspective on life as we age, my ponderings led me to consider the developmental process from identification to objectivity. Perhaps what I strive for myself, at the moment anyway, is objective presence balanced with equanimous perspective...
by Jeanette Jones
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